Excerpt from 'Whispers in the Hall'

 I closed down my blog "The Bottom Shelf" as no one reads it, and it so rarely gets updated by me. But, I figured I'd post a short clip from Whispers that I wrote tonight (and yes, those who keep up with what I'm working on, I AM still working on Whispers. I figure I'll actually finish it in about 15 years...). 

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River opened the email hesitantly. He knew by Mara’s attitude earlier that day there was something wrong, although he couldn’t for the life of him figure out what. She seemed to be flip-flopping her moods quite frequently as of late. It worried him a bit, but she had been dealing with a lot in the past few years, and with so many changes happening recently, he could understand her being a bit stranger than usual.

“Hi...What the hell is wrong with me? And how the hell dare you!?” the email started. River took a deep breath, quickly scrolling to see how long the email was. He closed his eyes briefly after seeing the length, and then continued to read.

“You’ve been manipulating me every step of the way. And I continue to believe you. I continue to turn a blind eye to that manipulation. I have changed everything I am and everything I believe, for you. I have given everything I have, for you. I have let people in, tried to love and trust, because that’s what you wanted.

“Who I am now... is not me. And it’s not who I want to be. It’s who you wanted me to be, and whom I tried to be just to make you happy. But you never once cared if I was happy. You never gave a shit how I really felt or what I wanted. You simply molded me as you would a piece of clay. And now, you’re leaving that clay to sit on a dusty shelf as you walk away from it.

“Well I can tell ya two things. One - good. I’m glad you’re leaving and that I found out just how little you actually care before I embarrassed myself any more. You really must’ve enjoyed laughing at how easy it was to manipulate me… to make me care… to make me do everything and anything you wanted.

“And two – even if I did want to change and be this oh-so-wonderful person you keep trying to make me, it can’t happen with you a thousand miles away. I can't do it on my own. You are what gave me the strength to make these changes, and without you, it won't happen. So I sit as clay on a dusty shelf, drying up, becoming even more useless and unwanted.

“I know you don’t want me to say it again, and you won’t believe it, but I’m done. I’m done with the emails, and the visits. I’m done with changing for you, and believing in the comfort of your hugs. I’m done with feeling miserable and watching you ever so happy in your decision to walk away. I’m just done.”

River slammed his fist onto the table…

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Ok, so it's not very long, but I'm getting a bit tired and well, I'm not quite sure how River is going to react yet. Maybe another hour of dancing to MeatLoaf will bring a bit more inspiration to finish writing this scene. 

I want your heart broken
Some sign of emotion
I want to see the tears tumble down
Show me I meant something
And that you feel nothing
But your world crashing to the ground

(MeatLoaf – Cry Over Me)