Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Get to Know Me Pt 2

1. What time did you go to bed last night and were you alone?  Hmm... I believe it was around 11 or 11:30. And yes, I was alone... well, as alone as one can be with over 100 voices in the head. 

2. What is your favourite TV show of all time ie you've seen them all, can watch it over and over again and quote lines from it? I loved the Beauty and the Beast series from years ago, and am a big fan of Dr. Who. But, if we're going for "seen them all, can watch it over and over again and quote lines from it"... I think I'd have to go with Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

3. Whats your favourite way to wake up and whats the first thing you do? Favorite way to wake up??? Every way sucks. Well... that's not true. Whenever my youngest wakes up and needs his mama, he will lightly tap me repeatedly in the forehead. It's just cute. The first thing I do after waking up? Head straight for the coffee pot!

4. What characteristics do you dislike in yourself? Oh my, where to start? Physically - I need to lose about 30 pounds, get rid of the wrinkles and flab, and my nose is crooked (broken one too many times). Emotionally - I get angry too quickly, and can be way too needy. Spiritually - I often feel I'm still so lost.

5. What did you want to be when you were little and do you think you ever will be? I wanted to be a vet at one time - but not just a normal vet. I wanted to heal insects. My brother Brandon and I used to turn our sandbox into a bug hospital. I also wanted to be a space traveler/super hero.

Monday, August 27, 2012

Get to Know Me ?

Just to waste some time before I curl up and attempt to sleep, I decided to grab one of those "get to know me" quizzes.... and because I don't want to waste THAT much time, I only took the first 5 questions from one of them that I found...

  • 1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.
    •  No Apologies (Bon Jovi); Read 'em and Weep (Meatloaf); I Want You so Hard (Meat Loaf); Your Best Nightmare (London After Midnight); How You Remind Me (Nickelback); Magical World (Blackmore's Night)
  • 2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
    •  Living? Dead? Fictional? Real? This is somewhat of a confusing question. So... Jesus, Meat Loaf, Shakespeare, or Vincent from the old tv series Beauty and the Beast. Or Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
  • 3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.
    •  "A riddle that, if you figure it out, will answer your
  • 4) What do you think about most?
    •  Well this is a stupid question. I think about a lot of things... usually all at once. I think about work, my kids, my husband, my in-laws, my siblings, my writing, my music, and the list goes on. How can one name just one thing they think about the most?
  • 5) What does your latest text message from someone else say?
    • Kay mother
So, have you learned anything new and interesting about me? Yup, didn't think so. 

Sunday, August 26, 2012

This Path

I've walked this path before
Several times,
It's turns and twists
well known.
I could follow it flawlessly
in the dark
with only the chirping of birds
and crickets
to lead the way.
I know where pavement
turns to
I feel the quiet as the road
loops around
near churches
and dark alleys.
I can sense it -
the stilling of breath
and quickening of heart.
It's a path I'll continue walking
In need
By habit
sometimes just to feel the turns and twists
well known. 

Friday, August 24, 2012

The World is Coming to an End...

 I shall post this here as well... however, the site discussed in the post below can be found at: http://psychosermons.blogspot.com/

The World is Coming to an End....

It must be. That can be the only explanation as to why on earth I am writing sermons. This is what most might think. However, the truth is, there is another explanation...

Earlier today, I jokingly told a pastor that I would write his sermon for him. Of course, he (and I) seemed to find some humor in me actually writing a sermon. He made the comment that he would love to read what I could come up with.

This evening, I decided to take him up on this offer. But, as is often the case, too many ideas started coming to mind. If I write all of these ideas, they really wouldn't fit with my blog that contains my novels (The Bottom Shelf). And they definitely wouldn't fit in with my short "romance" stories (Passion's Garden). I could place them on the normal rambling blog (Darkside of the Rose), but, this could just get confusing. Therefore, I have created a whole new blog - Sermons from a Psycho.

While the title of the blog may appear that this blog will be sarcastic and stupid blogs condemning Christianity (or religion in general) - that it will make fun of such a topic. This is not the case. These will be real "sermons" from a slightly twisted person whom isn't quite certain of her own beliefs. Please feel free to comment, and enjoy, and try not to be too offended.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

How quickly it all changes

Two weeks ago he was out running 5 miles a day, playing golf, riding his bike. Two weeks ago he was picking on me for going over to his place every day - sometimes several times a day - to visit. Two weeks ago he was telling me to stop stealing his chocolate with that mock-stern voice.

Now, he is laying in a hospital bed, the future uncertain and frightening.

My father-in-law has been a father to me for the last 19 years. I have never called him by his name... he has always been "Dad." I rarely ever even call him an in-law... at least, not until someone gives me a funny look wondering who I'm talking about. He is, quite honestly, a much better dad than my own. I always tell my husband that the only reason I married him was for his parents. While that is obviously not the only reason, I am quite serious that I loved his parents from the first time I met them, and that love has only grown stronger over the years.

Anyway, two weeks ago he started having back pain. It got more and more serious and intense as the days went on, but the change between Tuesday and Wednesday of this week seemed pretty drastic. On Thursday, he went in for tests. Bad news. There is cancer. But, the extent and severity wasn't known yet. We'd have to wait until Monday or Tuesday. They sent him home. He seemed so fragile yesterday... not the strong, healthy man I had been play fighting with two weeks ago.

Then this afternoon we hear from the doctor with more bad news - there's a large mass on his kidney, and he shouldn't be at home. He needs to be in the hospital for pain management and general care. We had to call an ambulance as he is unable to move at all, and a car ride at this point wouldn't have been good for him. As they were getting ready to move him, he playfully aimed a fist at my nose - so, I keep holding onto that, praying/dreaming/wishing it is a good sign that he'll pull through.

Once he got to the hospital, they ran a few tests. More bad news. His kidneys have failed. They loaded him back into an ambulance, transporting him to Fargo. And this is where it all left off. So now I can't sleep, afraid I'm going to miss a call.

I love you, Dad... and I'm praying for you.

Friday, August 17, 2012

"Dear Pastor" Clarified

Well, it seems that my last blog post upset quite a few people. This in itself isn't a big deal. I warned everyone ahead of time that it was controversial. However, if people are going to be mad at me, I want it to be for the right reasons. Many people seem to have misinterpreted what I said... or perhaps I just didn't explain myself right... or perhaps I said what people think I did, but in some cases it isn't what I meant. Therefore... a bit of clarification...

I did not say (or did not mean to say) that every Christian thinks they are better then everyone else. I don't think Christians in general are bad people. I AM a Christian (something many people seem to disbelieve simply because I have the balls to say "bad" things religion, and am willing to question religion).

What I did say (or did mean to say) is that every Christian - every human for that matter - occasionally, and sometimes subconsciously, does act in a way that makes them think they are superior to someone else. I've done it... sadly, more times than I can count. And definitely more times than I am proud of. You see a family where the parents both do drugs. Their teenage child gets arrested on a drug charge. A person may automatically think "not a big surprise"... "she's been nothing but trouble"... or something else which is judgmental.

I know without a doubt that I am not perfect. I know I am in no way shape or form better than others. And I also know that I have been judgmental. But, I also know that because I am not perfect, I have no right to judge others or speak ill (or think ill) of others. Therefore, when I catch myself starting to think that way, I give myself a mental slap upside the head. And I ask forgiveness for this action.

My problem with some Christians is that they refuse to see this in themselves. They instantly say "I don't judge people! I'm a Christian, and I go to church, and I read the Bible, and I live a good life following the path God has laid before me. I would never judge!" And, they then turn around and judge people. And often don't even realize they are doing it, or that they are belittling someone. They don't realize it because they don't care, because for at least that brief moment in time, they do believe they are better.

My problem with pastors/preachers is that I feel they should spend more time explaining what being a "good" Christian is. They should spend more time teaching their congregations to be aware of their thoughts, actions and words. It isn't about going to church every Sunday. It's about being good to your neighbors, friends, enemies, and everyone else, 7 days a week. It's about recognizing our own faults, trying to better ourselves, and being willing to admit when we aren't acting in a good Christian fashion.

So, if anyone is going to be angry with me... go ahead, just make sure you understand why you're angry first. :)

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Dear Pastors/Preachers:

Yes, this post is a letter to all pastors and preachers and such out there in the world. When I first started bitching in my head regarding this topic, it was actually aimed at one pastor, but I've realized it really is fitting for all. And while no pastors actually read this pretty little blog of mine, I feel I shouldn't insult too many (if you don't read it, you can't be insulted). Therefore...

Dear Pastor...

You think you're teaching them? Leading them? You think you're making a difference? You're not. These people are still the same judgmental, small-minded, hurtful little creatures they were before. They don't care who they hurt; they don't care if they cause people pain. They can't see beyond their own little minds and biases. They think they're better than everyone else.

They've recently learned that once again someone isn't perfect. One person who actually had the decency to say something to the imperfect's face made the comment "I get so mad when people expect these things to happen to people like you." As if to say that the person making the comment is better than the other person. Her family is better, and the other person's is crap. And this is only one person, and one of the comments, and to one person/family. So many more hurtful things are said, and are said by people you are supposedly leading.

I've asked before, and I will ask again - what is a "good" Christian? I'm quite certain it is not someone who spends their time talking bad about people. I'm quite certain it is not someone who judges others based on money, social status, skin color, or mistakes made by someone else in the family. The funny thing is, if you were to say any of this to your congregation, most of them would be shaking their heads and thinking to themselves "I don't talk bad about people... he must be talking about [fill in the blank]."

So what I've learned from you (not necessarily your words, but the actions of those you lead):
-> A "good" Christian is obviously someone who attends church every Sunday, and spends the next 6 days talking about how worthless their friends/neighbors are...
-> A "good" Christian is allowed to think they are better than others, and are encouraged to voice this opinion...
-> A "good" Christian should normally not voice this opinion to the "bad" person's face. It is much more effective when said behind a person's back.

Seriously, why do you bother? You're trying to lead a bunch of small-minded twits; people who don't understand or care about anything outside their own little world. You think you're helping them? You're not. And yes, I realize I'm being just as small minded and judgmental. The difference is - I'm willing to admit I'm doing this, and I will never say I am better than anyone else (except, I am better than anyone who thinks they are better than other people).

I could continue, but what's the point?

People can go...

Fly a kite? Jump off a bridge? F@#$ themselves? Feel free to complete the sentence however you see fit. This said, allow me to warn you all that the next few posts on this blog may be slightly angry, fairly controversial, and I'm quite certain a few people will be insulted/upset with me. I'm also quite certain that I don't care. Lately, I have completely lost faith in the human species.... not that I had much to begin with. But yes, now it's gone. I have especially lost faith with that small minority who likes to pretend they're Christian (which, is pretty much all who say they are).

Why this loss of faith? Why am I so angry at the human race? Why not. It's actually quite simple. Although, I will admit that my anger and dwindling faith is not only aimed at the small minded species we call human. It is also aimed quite highly at that supposedly all-powerful, all-knowing, all-merciful creature up in heaven. If such an entity even exists. Many times I have wondered. Actually, I first started wondering when I was a child. Deep within, I believe, but lately... again?

Why even bother? I mean, seriously, what difference will it make if there is or isn't a God? Well, other than the fact that when we die, we won't truly die. I guess that's something... although if the people who go to heaven are as small minded as they are while they're on earth, I'm not sure if heaven is going to be a place I'd want to spend eternity. But, this is just a personal opinion.

Anyway, I'll quit bitching and get this one posted so I can start my first bitchy (first other than this one) post...

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Poems from the Park

Long Ago

I came here, to this place
to seek answers to questions
long ago found.

I sit here, your humble servant
awaiting answers to problems
long ago forgotten.

I kneel here, at your feet
pleading for answers to heartbreak
long ago destroyed.

I lie here, slowly fading
praying for answers to questions
long ago replaced.


She lies there bleeding
silently crying, begging, pleading
Prayers fly to the heavens
on the wings of butterflies
small whispers
Screams are ignored
the butterflies banished from heaven
She lies there bleeding
silently numbing
hating, seeking revenge
Prayers slither to hell
on the back of the serpent
small whispers