Sunday, November 28, 2010

Better Left in the Past

Saw you again today
and suddenly I was thrown
back in time, to a time
So many years ago

When love was life
And dreams came true
And I was so in love with you

When "I need you"
Was my reality
And you only had eyes for me

Some things are better left in the past
like that special love that was meant to always last
Some things are better left buried deep
Like all those little promises we didn't keep

Heard your voice again
And suddenly I was thrown
Back in time, to a time
So many years ago

Kissing in the rain
And holding tight
Loving each other through the night

Dancing so close
Loving so true
And I was so in love with you

And some things are better left in the past
like that special love that was meant to always last
Some things are better left buried deep
Like all those little promises we didn't keep

Some things are better left in a dream
Like the memories of you
Some things are better left alone
Like the memories of us
Some things are better left buried
Like the memory of you
Some things are better left in the past
I wish your memory had stayed in the past
Why couldn't you stay in the past...

Some things are better left in the past
Like that special love that was meant to always last
Some things are better left buried deep
Like all those little promises we didn't keep

Friday, November 26, 2010

Identity Crisis Fixed!

After having all my characters suffering an identity crisis the past several months, I think I have finally got them figured out. Grant - one of the main characters in "Whispers in the Hall" - and I sat down for a brief conversation the other day. In my meeting with him, I figured out a few very important things about him, and his duplicate.

See Grant, as well as every other character within Whispers, has a duplicate. They were supposed to be loosely based on these duplicates, but then I came to realize that the duplicates were falling short of being even remotely close to how the characters were, and it was turning out to be a bit of a crisis. I couldn't write great characters if the duplicates weren't nearly as wonderful.

But Grant helped me realize something. The duplicates whom I was basing my characters on, were characters in and of themselves. They never were how I created them - not in the real world. They were always figments of my imagination. Therefore, as figments of my imagination, they can be rewritten to match the characters.

Identity crisis solved. Just rewrite the characters - real and fictional.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

In memory of...

Today marks the 10th anniversary of my brother's death. Well, one of my brothers. Although, I more often think of Thanksgiving Day as the anniversary. That was when he took his life - early Thanksgiving morning, the year 2000. I was taking care of my 4 month old twins when I got the call.

Just over a year ago, a second brother took his own life, and in much the same way. I was sitting at work when I got the news on that one.

I remember those days so clearly, so painfully. No matter how much time has passed, it's a pain that doesn't lessen. True, some days can go by without me crying. But not a day goes by that they don't cross my mind.

How could two young men take their own lives? And how could the one have done this on Thanksgiving, no less? Of course, in my mind it's his way of smacking people across the face and letting them know they gave him little to be thankful for. Not exactly nice of me to think. But, it's hard to think nice when I know where these boys came from. It truly is amazing to me that the rest of us aren't more messed up than we are.

But anyway, I am rambling now and shall stop. Brandon, I can't believe ten years have passed. I miss you every day. And Matthew, I miss you just as much. You were my little boy. Take care of each other, and watch over your sisters and other brother. You are two very special young men, and I am grateful for every moment I had you in my life. I love you.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Songs and Memories pt 2

As I was sitting here playing a goofy game on Facebook and listening to music on Youtube, I thought of a few more songs and the memories associated with them. So, I decided to torment my two readers with these songs as well...

"Love in the Future" brings me back to freshman year in high school. That spring the school started an environmental organization. I spend the spring and most of the summer digging through garbage for recyclables, cleaning up along highways, and going to early Saturday morning meetings. And, there was even a fun party at the leader's home. Of course, he was just looking for college credit. Once he got it, he abandoned the group and broke my heart.

"Once Bitten Twice Shy" is another freshman year memory. I was in speech and debate (well, just debate) and so one of our trips was to Watertown, SD. We took an old school bus down, and cranked that song up the whole way there, and during the party we had that night in the Motel. That was a great trip.

"Bat Out of Hell" - this is a song that I have loved since I was a little child. But when I hear it, the one memory that sticks out the most is my Sophomore year of high school. Two friends of mine and I used to walk the halls with this song blaring, thinking we were all tough and cool. But the day I remember most was the day these two friends of mine made my guidance counselor get down on his knees and apologize to me. We had this song playing at the time.

But, I shall stop for now,. Don't worry though, I'm sure a part 3 will be soon to come.

Songs and Memories

A few moments ago I was reminded of how songs can bring back a memory, or a series of memories, or simply bring a person back in time. Some say smells will do this more than anything else. For me it has always been music. Nearly every momentous occasion in my life has a song behind it. Ok, so maybe not all these occasions are momentous, and not all momentous ones have a song, but many do.

The song "Jukebox Hero" reminds me of being a preteen/teen, spending Friday night family night (up until Dr. Who came on) dancing with my siblings. For all the hell we went through, dancing and having fun with them is a memory I will always cherish.

"Wonderful Tonight" brings back a memory just a few years ago. It's the first song my husband and I really ever danced to at an actual dance. It was at a street dance.

"Walking on Broken Glass" and "Bed of Roses" both bring me back to the week I spent in the psych ward. Yes, I was in the psych ward. But anyway, Y94 played these two songs repeatedly throughout the day, and as we psychos had nothing better to do than listen to the radio, these songs became fairly special to us.

"You're my Inspiration" reminds me of someone who was very special in my life many years ago. He was my one weakness, my greatest strength - the one I lived for and wanted to die for. (Yes, this was back in the psycho days...) Seriously, he was and is very important to me.

"Hard Habit to Break" was, ironically, the song that was playing when I walked out of someone else's life. I didn't realize until after I walked away, how much I left behind.

These are just a few songs that hold a great deal of importance to me. What songs bring you back to another time and place? What songs bring tears or smiles to your face because of the memories they bring with?

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Why Now?

This afternoon, while in a NyQuil induced state, I had a dream that left me a bit confused and curious. In it, someone I knew many years ago was telling me that he'd really like to know why I hate him. I tried interrupting him, cutting him off and reminding him, and I almost did but then I got awakened, with a tear streaming down my cheek.

This someone was an old boyfriend. He was incredibly good looking, and very passionate. I remember kissing in the rain (or was it in the snow?), and making out to an old Chicago song. But, it was during a, well, odd time in my life. I'm not sure I can say honestly that I loved him. Nor can I say with all honesty that I didn't love him. I was sleeping with his best friend and in love with his roommate. I do know that much.

But as I was saying, this old flame and I didn't date for long. Shortly after we started dating, I left home. And somehow through it all, he became abusive. Maybe it was just a fluke thing (twice), but I wasn't going to take my changes. I had been beaten and abused since I was a little girl, and I wanted nothing to do with it now. When he twisted my arm behind my back, I let it go. When he pushed me into a wall, I walked away. Or rather, ran and hid. I only saw him twice after that if I remember correctly. And that was 18 years ago.

So why now, after 18 years, does he appear in my dreams, with no recollection of what had transpired between us? Why now do I shed a tear over a time best forgotten? Why now does the memory haunt me?

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

When sending telepathic messages, be specific!

All evening I've had this feeling that I am supposed to be listening to a specific song. The problem is, I don't know what song it is. I don't fully know anything about the song. It's like that feeling you get when you wake up in the middle of a dream, and you're trying to reach out and hang onto the memory of it but it is in a fog. You recall the general emotion of the dream, somewhat. And maybe certain features of the dream, to a degree. But you can't quite touch it. You remember the colors, maybe. And the scent, almost. But it's just not quite there.

That's how it is with this song. It's country. I think. Or something like that. And it's a man's voice. Perhaps. A soothing voice, I'm quite certain. And it's a love song. I believe. Maybe a love at first sight? Not slow, but possibly sad. Not fast either, but can be danced to. The words are there, at the tip of my tongue, and yet I cannot recall a single syllable.

It's driving me insane. I have been spending hours listening to music, trying to grasp a clue as to what song I am supposed to be listening to. But it's just out of reach. I'll hear a song and know that the one I want is similar in some way, but that's as far as I can get.

So, to whomever sent me this telepathic message to listen to this song, be more specific!