Thursday, August 19, 2010


I hate this. I hate not knowing if I'm doing the right thing. I hate this gut feeling I have that I'm doing the wrong thing. I hate that I can't be in two places at once. I need to be at work. This is important. I know that. I understand that. And any other time, I wouldn't even consider arguing with this fact. I'd walk over hot coals just to get there. But now? It isn't right. I know everyone is rationalizing it that doing things this way is for the best for the family. But it doesn't feel right. And the closer it gets, the worse it feels. I'm scared. What if? What if this is the wrong choice. I don't understand why this feels so wrong. It's just a consultation I'll be missing, and yet I can't shake this darkness overcoming. I can't rid myself of this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I feel like I chose work over family, even though it wasn't really my decision. Maybe that's what's nagging at me. Hopefully that's all it is.

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