Hunger for a Dream

You make me want you
Now I need you deep inside
my soul
You make me thirst for you
Now I need just a taste
To make me whole

You make me hunger

In my dreams I hear your voice
Whispering in the darkness
Your touch burns my flesh
A satiny steel caress

I long to reach out for you
I long to taste that light
Let me ignite your flesh
Let me feed on pure delight

You make me want you
Now I need you deep inside
my soul
You make me thirst for you
Now I need just a taste
To make me whole

You make me hunger

In my dreams I feel your embrace
Driving out the demons within
Your warmth comforts my heart
A wanting breath against my skin

I long to drink from you
To know an angel's fantasies
Let me live them out with you
All your aches I will appease

You make me want you
Now I need you deep inside
my soul
You make me thirst for you
Now I need just a taste
To make me whole

You make me hunger

You make me hunger for a dream

Poems by the Fire

The Embers Still Burn

Though the fire has died,
Though the winds have grown cold,
In the dark of night
The embers still burn.

The warmth still reaches out
With its gentle caress.
In the still of the night
The embers still burn.

Whispers rise up, swirling
With heated secrets.
In the moonlit glow of night
The embers still burn.

Waiting for a hint of kindling -
For a moment to awaken
That fire in the night -
The embers still burn. 

Two Lonely Souls

Two lonely souls
whisper
the soft glowing moon
the only one to hear
the desires unspoken
unnoticed
by even their minds.

Two lonely souls
reaching
silently pleading
in the still of the night
the needs held captive
inhibited
by even their bodies.

Two lonely souls
loving
the gentle breeze carrying
the unexpressed hopes
the ache remains buried
undiscovered
by even their hearts.

In the Sand

I try to fight it,
to stop these thoughts that enter my mind.
These thoughts which dance happily,
without guilt,
over that line drawn in the sand.

I try to fight it,
the ache that grows deep within my gut.
This ache wants nothing but to dance again,
without care,
over that line drawn in the sand.

To feel that warmth consume me,
to hear that heartbeat against my own,
the trembling hands and breath,
the hesitation

To know that passion that is not shown,
that which cowers beneath the stoic facade,
yet burns from out of the blue
into me

I try to fight it,
to stop the scintillating dreams of the night.
These dreams which dance poeticly,
without remorse,
over that line drawn in the sand.

I try to fight it,
the waves which engulf and threaten to drown.
These waves which dance
with a whimper,
over that line drawn in the sand.

To feel that fire burn within,
to hear my own sighs echoing,
the glistening wonderment, two as one,
an unending song

To know the fulfillment of that dream,
the beauty of caressing souls,
moving as one in a dance over that line drawn
in the sand. 

I Want to Feel

The wind flows through me
but it doesn't move me
The water flows around me
But the cold does not reach me
Images of arms embracing me
Dance through my mind
But I cannot feel the warmth

I want to feel
Give me the comfort
Let me know the pain
I need to feel
Give me passion
Let there be tears

A fire surrounds me
but I cannot feel it burn
The cold dirt lays beneath me
But the hardness doesn't move me
Images of lips upon my own
Dance through my mind
But I cannot feel the warmth

I want to feel
Give me heartbreak
Let me know love
I need to feel
Give me your passion
Let there be fear

I just want to feel.

7 Things People Do that Annoy Me

Ok, so I'm in one of those fun typical me moods where some (most) people are just rather annoying. So, I thought I'd list all the things people do that get under my skin...
Oh...and please note... I was not thinking of any one person in particular when I was writing these. They're just things I've noticed over my *cough* 29 *cough* years of being alive. If you think they're about you... welllllll.... sorry. :)

1 - Breath... 

Ok ok, that's a little harsh. And not true. I don't mind (most) people breathing. As long as words aren't coming out of their mouth at the same time. :)

The real #1 -  Act like they're better than me, or anyone else. 

I mean, first of all, no one is better than me. I'm perfect. And if you're acting like you're better than anyone else... you're not. Get over yourself.

2 - Read minds. 

I realllllly don't like when people speak for me, or think for me, or tell me how I'm feeling. You know the kind... the "you're thinking I'm too nice"... "you need a hug from me"... "you're glad you know me". Really? I am? I do? Wow. Thank you so much for telling me. I had no clue I was thinking/needing/feeling that way. I am soooo lucky to have you around to tell me these things.

3 - Change who they are to impress me

If I like you, it's because I like you for who you are. If you change because it's something you feel you need to do for yourself, I will continue to like you. But do not change as a way of impressing me. It's not impressive. It's annoying. It's not real. And I don't like fake people.

4 - Pretend to be someone they aren't

Well, I guess this is basically the same as #3. Yeah. Fake people are annoying.

5 - Stalking

 ♫♬♪ I'm a big kid now! ♪♬♫
No offense, but I don't need you following me, watching out your window for me, calling me to see where I am/what I'm doing, hiding behind my house, or anything else. Really. I am a big girl. I can cross the street without holding someone's hand, and I even learned not to take candy from strangers... unless it's chocolate.

6 - Trying to catch me in a lie

If you want to know what I'm doing, or where I am, or who I am with, just ask. If you already know the answer because you were doing #5 above... then there really is no reason to ask, is there?

7 - People who have to point out how great they are

Yes, yes, you're a beautiful, wonderful, giving, caring human being. I know this. I do not need to be reminded of your excellence. And, if I owe you something, I am already aware of this as well. Again, I do not need to be reminded of your generosity or my debt. Thank you.

I'm such a bitch :)

Ok, I know... some of these were a little harsh. But, I just had to say 'em. Sorry to anyone I've offended. That really wasn't my intention. I just felt like being a bitch in general... not to anyone specific. That makes it better, right? .... ? :-/

Numb

I'm numb
There's nothing.
I should be panicking
Or tearing myself apart
reminding myself of my unworthiness.
I should be crying
On my knees
Weak and unsure
Begging for help.

But there's nothing
No darkness
No light
Just emptiness
No loneliness
No guilt or shame
Nothing
I'm numb

And I'm terrified.

Between Heaven and Hell

In trying to write a different post, I went searching through my poetry as I knew I had written a few about being on the line between heaven and hell. Well, I didn't find what I was looking for - but did find a few with this concept. And so, figured I would post them here.... 

On the Edge of Heaven and Hell

(3/11/01)

He came into her life on the wings of an angel,
carrying with him love and hope and dreams.
From the moment they met their hearts held each other close.
With a simple hug which seemed to join their souls,
they stood on the edge of heaven and hell.
His soft spoken words of longing and love
were met with an insatiable thirst..
As their lips met in uninhibited fervor
they walked that fine line between paradise
and eternal damnation.
This poisoned love could never have been more wrong,
or more right
as they clutched to each other’s hope-filled souls.
They knew they didn’t belong together,
that they each had to return to their separate
planes of existence,
places that had no room for the other,
but their hearts were forever welded together
with links of desperate yearning.
Was it truly love that held them close
or just the fear of not being needed or desired?
Was it truly love that convinced them to continue believing in
heaven
or simply the realization that being alone was hell in itself?
They fought for answers,
fought for a hopeless love,
fought to hold onto the dream.
As their bodies melded together in earth shattering passion
they found themselves crossing that line
but to where they weren’t quite sure.
The perfection of it all found them drowning in a paradise
neither of them had ever experienced nor imagined;
however, the sinfulness of their ecstasy screamed of the pain
they would forever be forced to endure.
If there truly is a God how could He have been so cruel
as to bring this angel into her life
knowing the wrongfulness of it all?
If it was a test at her resistance to temptation,
she knew she had failed.
Perhaps it was a lure from the other side,
but she knew that not even the devil himself
could disguise himself in such perfection.
And so they continued teetering on the edge
of forever, of time, of heaven and hell,
unsure of where to go.
They already had tasted each other’s flesh,
lived in the other’s heart and soul.
With pain that surpassed any torture
that could be given by God or man they said goodbye. 
They knew it was the only way to survive,
and yet they both died that day.
Tears fell silently as they kissed slowly,
their bodies and minds and hearts burning
to take that trip to paradise one last time.
Her hands gently caressed his soul,
her eyes begging to be released from this fire
that was out of control.
Trying to hold back, to make this moment last forever,
he carried her to heights no man had ever taken her
before sadly leaving her lying
on the edge of heaven and hell.

Walking the Line

(2003)

walking the line between heaven and hell,
wanting you so, but too scared to tell;
dreaming these dreams, living these lies;
wishing I could tell you how my soul flies;
needing to thank you for making me smile;
wanting to please you if only for a while
walking the line between heaven and hell,
wishing these wishes, but I'll never tell;
cuz I'm walking the line between heaven and hell;

I'm walking the line, teetering on the edge;
as to myself, vows of love I pledge;
walking the line, trembling inside,
knowing this love is something I have to hide;

I'm walking the line, with no safety net,
wishing your smile I could simply forget;
walking the line between heaven and hell;
oh how I need you, but I can never tell

walking the line between heaven and hell,
in my dreams you'll always dwell;
the touch of your hand, the sparkle in your eyes;
I'm always so happy living these lies;
what do I do, where do I turn,
I can't just tell you how you make me burn;
I don't know where to go, so I keep walking the line;
looking in your eyes, waiting for a sign

Heaven’s Bleeding

(7/10/2004)

The sky burns flames
Heaven’s bleeding, crying, dying
Tears fall heavy upon the living
Screams of torment rise through the air
On wings of a dove
On the death of love
Burn with me
With heaven and hell
And all things in between
Watch the scars open and bleed
Tortured life, happy release
Heaven’s bleeding, screaming, dreaming
Losing fast this game
Dance with me within the flames
Feel the burn
Fuel the pyre
Scream with me at heaven’s gate

Heaven and Hell

(7/16/2005)

Heaven's fire and hell's sweet grace
Pain exploding as dreams erase
Nighttime whispers of daylight's tears
Come and live within my fears

Heaven's torture and hell's sweet light
Let go of love without a fight
Feel the daytime hide from the dark
Knowing it can never be the spark

Heaven's pain and hell's sweet peace
And satan signs another lease
Feel the light crawl into the shadow
Come be mine in this darkened glow

Today I Lost My Mother

Ok, so maybe that title is a little deceiving. Apparently, she actually passed away about 9 days ago (June 27th... my baby brother's birthday). But, I just found out today. And I still don't know how to feel about it. I think I'm ok. But I feel like I shouldn't be.

This is a woman who walked out when I was 2 years old. When she finally stepped back in almost 20 years later, she felt I should treat her like a mom. She felt she deserved that because she gave birth to me. I kind of tried. Not really... I didn't feel like she was a mom... but I at least gave her some respect. After a few years, she got upset with me. I hadn't been calling as much as I should have. I wasn't getting her mother's day presents, birthday presents, Christmas presents, etc. And therefore, she cut all ties to me.

She called a few years ago. I wasn't home. She left a message saying she's sure I hate her, and making it sound like it's all my fault that we don't have a relationship. I never called her back.

Today, my big sis called to tell me our mother died. I sat on the phone with her for several minutes, not sure what to say or how to feel. I still don't. Well, I feel nothing... or rather, nothing more than I would if I found out some person I knew from work 10 years ago had passed away. But I feel I should feel something. It's really weird. And I feel like a really cold heartless person. Blah.

Give you my Heart

I wrote this one several years ago... and had someone put it to music once for me.... don't have the music anymore, but just felt like sharing the lyrics (mainly because I'm hoping it inspires me to write tonight)

Give You My Heart

( © Sept, 2003)

I can tell that you've been crying; You've been hurt once again.

And as I've tried to do; I'll be here as your friend.

I'll hold you in my arms; And try to ease your pain,

I'll listen to you silently; You won't hear me complain.

I'll offer my hand, if you need one to hold;

Hold you tight, when you're feeling cold

I'll offer my shoulder when you need to cry

Help find the answers when you're wondering "why?"

And when you feel your life is falling apart

I'll be here to give you my heart.

Written deep in your eyes, is the pain you try to hide

Not wanting to reveal all the tears that you've cried

I wish I could do something to remind you how to smile

Even if it's just to hold you awhile

So I'll offer my hand, if you need one to hold;

Hold you tight, when you're feeling cold

I'll offer my shoulder when you need to cry

Help find the answers when you're wondering "why?"

And when you feel your life's falling apart

I'll be here to give you my heart.

And when your world is dark and bleak

Just hold onto me, you don't have to speak

And when you're scared and feeling all alone

I give you my heart to have as your own

And I'll offer my hand, if you need one to hold;

Hold you tight, when you're feeling cold

I'll offer my shoulder when you need to cry

Help find the answers when you're wondering "why?"

And when you feel your life's falling apart

I'll be here to give you my heart.