Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Random Thoughts of the Evening

So many thoughts are boiling over in my head tonight... and not one of them related to the next. All the voices have their own mindset. It's like sitting in a crowded bar and hearing 20 different conversations going on around you, all about different subjects.

I really shouldn't watch Law & Order: SVU. It's a great television show - must be considering how many seasons it has lasted. But the subject matter is sometimes difficult to get through. Tonight's new episode was particularly hard. Usually they don't show the crimes as they happen - just hint at what's about to happen, and then you see the body, or the person lying in a hospital. Tonight's was a rape, a visual one, a disturbing one. One that would probably give nightmares to anyone who's ever experienced something which was almost the exact duplicate of such an atrocity.

Oh how desperately I dislike fish. Every night come interruptions - always when I am writing, or watching television, or just trying to relax. And always regarding the fish. And always in frustration. As if I am the fish encyclopedia and am intentionally withholding information on how to care for these slimy little creatures. We lost another one of the little things tonight. Lucky me got to flush him down the toilet.

Multiple personalities - I have been thinking a lot on this topic tonight. Have you ever considered that maybe some of us truly do have multiple personalities? Except, generally, when someone is thought to have these, they don't realize it. They don't know they are multiple people, and have no recollection of what the other people do. But maybe for some of us it's a little different. It's like... you're in a room, you can see into the next room but the person in there can't see you. You can hear the person in the other room, but that person can't hear anything you say. You have no control over this other person, but are perfectly aware of every action he or she does. And then suddenly you and this other person (or perhaps a third or fourth person) swap places. You're in control and the other person(s) can only watch what you do. Imagine what a mess this could create in your life?

I wrote a short story last night. There's a contest - with a fast approaching deadline - that I was asked to submit to. The only requirements: 500 to 2500 words, and it had to incorporate the theme of death. That's right up my alley. But a short story? Oh, I forgot to mention the other requirement - no erotica. Well, the only short stories I write are erotica. My poetry, lyrics, ramblings, novels - those are many other different subject matters, rarely ever crossing that line. But my short stories always stay on that side of the line. And I can't write that? But, I enjoy a good challenge. So, I wrote one. I haven't decided if I'm going to submit it though - it really isn't all that good. And it definitely needs a lot of work... too much to be able to acceptably accomplish by Friday midnight.

It really sucks when you know what's wrong with you, but you don't know how to fix it. It's like - 1000 piece puzzle. You have the pieces all spread out in front of you, and the picture on the box of how it's supposed to look, but no clue how to put it all together. I've never been good at jigsaw puzzles. I've never been good at putting together broken things. I've never been good at accepting that others also can't always put together broken things. Of course, sometimes I think I'm a jigsaw puzzle missing a few pieces... or worse, got mixed up with another puzzle so all the pieces don't even belong to me - which is why I can't be fixed.

I had several other random thoughts spinning around in my head... encompassing everything from regrets, to psychoses, to darker thoughts, to regrets. But, they're all scrambling, hiding in corners and behind pillars. And so, I shall hush... and go back to eating chips and a very yummy homemade chip dip made out of ghost chili sauce.

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