Tuesday, March 27, 2012

The Magic Number 144

Sunday night I jumped on the scale. 144. More precisely, 144.6. (Yes, that's right, I just publicly posted my weight - my honest weight.) Instead of getting depressed - which used to be my usual response to my rising number, and instead of shrugging my shoulders and going back to what I was doing, this time I got upset and determined.


Three years ago - before I quit smoking, and before I started spending all my free time doing homework - I was around 115 - 120 pounds, once even getting down to just under 110. I wore a size 4 (2 if I sucked in... 0 if I didn't want to breath). I was slim, and (with the exception that I had no chest to speak of), I liked it. Well.. that's not true. I always felt I needed to lose a little more - or tone up a little more (i.e. get a belly worth looking at instead of one that showed "hey! I've had 6 children!"). But for the most part, I was good with how I looked. Then I started gaining. I would try to go on diets, but well, who wants to actually follow through with dieting? Especially since it didn't really seem to matter - I kept on gaining. Finally, I just quit caring. I was too busy with school and work and children. I have no one to impress other than my husband and well, after 18 years, he doesn't care how I look as long as I shut up and let him play his xbox games (ok, so that may not be entirely true... but he really doesn't care about my weight).

But now? What is different now?


All through high school and college (my first go-round), I was a little on the chunky side (fat, ugly and would only get a guy to be seen in public with me if I slept with him - that's what my step-mother would tell me consistently). I hated it. I never understood how I really did get anyone's attention. But anyway, back then I was usually in the 130-140 range. And here I am - over that. Well over that. I've had to buy all new clothes, while hoarding the old ones because they're so cute and I just don't have the heart to get rid of them.


I saw that number and decided this is it. I'm going to give this an honest to goodness try. And now I have Yoda's words echoing in my mind. Whatever - I will do this. One way or another. So, I hooked myself up with myfitnesspal.com (thank you Leigh and Jenny), and have spent the last 3 days recording what I eat and how much I exercise. And I will continue with it. I have my goals - and while my 20 pounds by June 1 may be a bit excessive, I'll be happy with 10... well, not happy, but still motivated to continue.

By the 4th of July, I want to look smokin' in my little red dress. Or, at least by Labor Day.

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