Monday, December 5, 2011

drained and discarded

I'm sitting here, uncertain of quite how I feel. I had a great weekend this past weekend. I got to see family I haven't seen in years, had the opportunity to hang out and enjoy the company of my wonderful sisters, and even my brother (whom I haven't seen in years). Granted, it was for a funeral we all got together, but, well, my Grandma was a wonderful, beautiful, giving woman - and it seems she gave us one last thing - a chance to get reacquainted with loved ones.

Yet, I'm still sitting here, uncertain how to feel. I'm overcome by a combination of love and depression, relief and release, closure and even a bit of anger and a lot of guilt. So much of so many different things all rattling around within my mind and heart. I'm almost to the point of being numb as there is too much for me to handle.

A third party would have been nice to bounce things off of. But, I guess everyone has their own problems. Mine are no more important, and are probably quite simply more confusing as I don't even know what my problem is.

But, alas, I shall quit my rambling for now as I can't focus my thoughts on any one thing, on any one person or event or anything else. Perhaps I shall try again should I regain any type of clarity to my own mind.

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