Thursday, July 8, 2010


I was just sitting here, enjoying a nice evening. It was a particularly typical Thursday night. And then someone asked me a question. It sounded like a question of concern. Maybe. What was this person's reason for asking such a question? What was he really asking? And why? What is in it for him should it be a simple question of concern, although I was quite certain it held some secret message.

And that's when it hit me. I have such serious trust issues, I don't believe I'm even capable of any minuscule amount of trust in another human being. Don't misunderstand me. It's not like my trust issue is a new phenomena - or even that the realization is new. I have always been aware the problem lay hiding within. But the depth of the issue was quite the smack in the face.

I do tend to write about trust a lot. Especially as of late. Some of you may understand the recent fixation on the subject, and perhaps it is this fixation which has caused the sudden defenses. That must be it. I wouldn't be so untouchable as to over-react to a simple question, even if that question were laced with some hidden meaning.

Ah, but this isn't good at all. Next comes the walls, and pushing, the so many additional defenses. I do believe it is time to retreat into my world of words, and erase myself from humanity. I must hide from those I can and will hurt, and not allow them to feel for me, as I am incapable of feeling. Yes, it is time to curl up in a ball in the corner of my sanctuary, where no one, including myself, can hurt me.

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