Monday, December 9, 2013

So Much to Ramble Where to Begin?

Perhaps it's the cold medicine, or the desperate lack of sleep, or the fever I developed last night. Maybe it's the trip, or the season, or the snow. Maybe it's the busyness which has been going on recently. Maybe it's the movies I've watched and the songs I've listened to. Maybe it's the lack of communication, and the realization that I'm not as important as I'd like to be.

Regardless of the cause, tonight I find myself unable to focus my thoughts. I feel like they're all spinning. I feel... so much, and yet so little.

Last night was the Christmas program.... and candlelight service. The program was ok... busy... and I didn't come up with the opening prayer until about an hour or two before the program. Thanks to the help of a friend... someone who is always here for me, and yet not here. Someone who I depend on more than I should, but not as much as I'd like. It's insane and stupid and crazy and right and wrong and everything in between.

As I said before... my brain is a little unfocused....

But, to continue... the program went well. Our children were great. I love our Sunday School children. And to have the courage and ability to stand up in front of so many people and tell the story of Christmas is just beautiful. The candlelight service afterwards.... I cried. I always cry. Silent Night is the usual song for this service... the one song that I always sang to my brother to get him to fall asleep. But, oh well. No one really cares that I become a basket case. I do so pray that I never ignore another person's tears. There is nothing as empty feeling as knowing someone saw you cry and walked away.

Tonight, I watched a show that was recommended to me about a year and a half ago. I must say, I absolutely loved it until the end. I was thinking to myself "I should have watched this months ago!" throughout most of it... until the last couple minutes when I actually got angry that I had wasted my time watching it. Ah well. I am certain I will write more on this topic as a later (sooner) time. Oh, for those interested, the show was Dr. Horrible's Sing-along Blog. Really, oddly, is worth the watch.

Ever find yourself in a position of believing you're more important than you are? Or, believing you have even an iota of importance, and then realize the truth? Quite humbling. But oh well. Maybe soon I can go back to hiding in the shadows without ever crawling out.

Anyway, enough with the rambling craziness. Perhaps my next post will be a bit more focused and polished and perfect....

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