For some odd reason, I was thrown back in time tonight - back in time to an era when love was a concept I always wanted to understand, but never truly could. I tried so hard to figure out what it all meant. Tried so desperately to find my place in all of it. Yet somehow I always managed to latch onto those who could never be mine. Those who were single? Avoided them. Unless of course they were the type I knew would never fall in love. And if I did get close to one who I could possibly ever a have future with? I ran like hell.
Anyway, here's a poem I wrote many years ago, which had a special meaning for me. I actually submitted this poem for Ms. Huesgen's English 103 class. This poem depicts everything I used to be...everything I want to be again...everything that has ever thrown my world upside and keeps it in such a way.
Anna Marie
(1992)
To my lover’s girlfriend:
Anna-Marie
You have heard of me
In movies and romance books.
I’m the kind of girl
Wives and girlfriends
Only worry about
But never
Honestly believe in.
All I want is
Money and sex.
And he was just
One of many.
After all,
What else is there
For a woman like me?
Love?
That is only fiction.
Or so I thought.
But now, Anna-Marie,
You can have him back.
You make him happy,
Whereas I can only
Make him sad.
And my heart cannot handle
His pained expression
When he thinks of how
He is hurting you.
So please Anna-Marie,
Take him away from me
And love him—
For both of us.
From your boyfriend’s lover.
