Reflection & Surprises pt 1

Home sweet home! The past few days have been quite the experience as I was priviledged enough to get to join our community Youth Group as they went to Minot to help with flood disaster relief. This trip has taught me a lot. So much, in fact, that I am quite certain I will not be able to fit it all into one post (ergo, the pt. 1 in the subject). But, before I get too in depth with this post, allow me to post what I wrote last night in the hotel hallway....

Who could have known
or understood
The strength that resides
hidden within
Showing itself at times
When strength could not
be imagined
or believed.
Showing itself at times
When one would
imagine tears
believe fear and sorrow.
It is when others cower
that the strength hidden
in those with true courage
and character
finds its way to truth.

It really was an amazing day - to see so many reach out to those in need; to see the strength within those who've lost so much - it isn't something you see every day. A great deal of my experiences have been of those turning a blind eye to those in need - or worse, helping someone else simply for the glory or because to not help would make them look selfish.

It really is disheartening to see people "help" just because it is something they need to do to look good to others. This reminds me of church - 90% (or more, most likely) of those who attend do not do so because they enjoy church. They do not do so because they want a closer relationship with God. And they do not do so to learn to be better Christians.

They do so because they were taught it's necessary to get into heaven. They do so because if they don't, it will look bad. They do so because they can then still call themselves "good Christians" while spending the next 6 days judging others, gossiping about others, and whatever else they choose to do.

But, I get off track. My point I was trying to write about is that today I saw a large group of 13-16 year olds giving of themselves - helping others. And not for pride, or glory, or physical rewards. I am very proud of each of them and have found a small bit of my faith in mankind renewed. 

I truly don't know where to start. These past few days have been a combination of so many emotions and events which will remain in my memory forever. I have met some wonderful people whose strength has been incredible. I have cried, and laughed, and prayed and hoped. I have spent time working side by side with my kids, others, new friends and old. I have used muscles I didn't realize I had - muscles which are now quite angry with me. I have watched a group of kids (young adults) push themselves to their limit - and then push themselves even further.I have pushed myself to my limit... and perhaps not quite as far past it as those younger, but I did push it more than I have before.

There was a lot which happened these past few days which really aren't surprising - although they are still special. When you see so much devastation, and watch people tear up as they describe having to move from their home, only to come back to it being completely ruined, and attempt to help them in any way you can - it changes you. It changes how you look at things. It makes you a appreciate what you have a little bit more. (Or, at least, it should do these things to some degree.) To see young adults attempting to help these people; to watch them actively engaged in learning the stories of the people - these are so amazing, and give a person a new found hope.

But one thing I was not expecting was a two or three hour conversation on religion. And, even more shocking, was that not only was it an enjoyable discussion, it has made me reconsider my dislike for the church. Does this mean I'm going to start attending church every Sunday? No. My reasons for not attending remain. However, maybe I will seek a way to be a part of a community of faith. Where and how? I haven't gotten that far yet. Why? I'm not sure on that either. Oddly enough, I think I have finally met a pastor who a) made sense; b) managed to slip through my defenses; c) has magical powers.

But, I will have to reflect more on this later. My brain is fried, my body is angry, and my emotions are on overload. Thank you to all the adults and young adults who helped make this trip wonderful. Thank you to the Hope Village for your hospitality and for all the hope you bring to everyone. Thank you to the wonderful families we helped for opening up your homes and hearts. And, thank you to my car conversationalist for letting me babble, for all the laughs, and for the insight.

Street Dance!

I love street dances. I have since I was a child. The small town I lived in had at least one a year, and all us younger kids would be right up in front. At that time, most of the dances were DJ'ed - by my father. Yes, I got to spend those first years falling asleep next to huge speakers, under the tables where the turn-tables were set up. I have fond memories of those days... which is quite possibly why my love of street dances still holds.

I don't care if the band sucks - I'll still be out there dancing. I don't care if no one else is out there (although, since my youngest two daughters started hanging out with me, this is rarely the case) - I'll still be out there dancing. I don't care if the "street dance" is held indoors or out - I'll still be out there dancing. Of course, although I'll still be dancing, I do still judge the bands.

There was one band who played here twice - a few years ago. They were really good... better the first time they were here. The second time, they seemed to have let their "fame" get to their heads (they're a relatively well known band). But, I'd still accept them coming back.

But last fall... the band we had rocked! Boomtown. If you haven't had a chance to hang with these boys, let me tell ya - you really need to hunt them down. These guys... on top of being just a great band musically... they were friendly, fun, entertaining. They made my kids feel incredibly special that night. There was probably never more than 2 dozen people in that small hall that night.... but these 4 kept rocking, and what few of us were there kept dancing. I have a ton of respect for these guys and just absolutely love them.

So, what is it that makes a band great? Well, naturally, ya need to be able to sing/play. But it's more than that. For the street-dance crowd - especially in a small town - the band needs to be friendly, needs to know how to accept (or politely turn down) requests, and needs to play to the crowd as if they are simply one of them. And most importantly - they have to have specific songs on their list (and, they need to know the words... OMG! one band didn't know the words to Jessie's Girl!. That group is now on my "I'll still dance to your music if you come back, but I really don't like you" list).

What songs should be on this list? Well, naturally not all of these will generally make the list - and it does depend on if the group is more rock or more country. But, some of the necessities includes:

Summer of '69
Jessie's Girl
Hurts so Good
You Shook Me All Night Long
Friends in Low Places
Cotton-eyed Joe
Sweet Home Alabama
Fishing in the Dark

I could probably come up with several more that I'd like to hear, but basically these 8 are MUST HAVES! And to be honest - if you're a rock band but can play the country songs in that list, or vice-versa, you've just pleased a huge crowd.

Another thing to consider - if you DON'T know any of these, or other often requested songs, put them on a CD for playing for when you're taking a break. These are classics - quite honestly no one cares if you sing it, or if the CD does, so long as we get to hear it. Going back to my favorite group ever Boomtown - Cotton-eye Joe was a recording... and we had an absolute blast with it, and it just made us appreciate the band even more that they had the song. 

And that all said, I have decided to add a few more songs to the "omg I'll love you forever" list - this is for you country boys out there... Luke Bryan - Country Girl Shake it For Me, Drunk on You, or I Don't Want this Night to End... and especially, Love and Theft - Angel Eyes. I don't know WHAT it is about Angel Eyes... But it's a great song, and I would love to dance to it at a street dance. 

Ibus and Wine

Today started out great. I woke up at 6:30 - a bit more tired than usual, but considering I had gotten a full 8 hours of sleep for a change, I attributed it to too much rest. And I was a bit cranky - not cranky-angry, but more that cranky feeling a person sometimes gets when they get pulled out of a good dream. Too bad I can't remember the dream - it must have been a really good one.

But, the sleepiness and the crankiness fell away as I put on black jeans and an adorable new top I hadn't worn yet. It requires a strapless - something I don't generally do - and it ties around the neck - another thing I don't wear often. But it is very adorable. The hair was a little uncooperative, but nothing too major. I have no one to impress. And so I head off to work, arriving at 7:30. I like getting in a little earlier than necessary - gives me a little peace and quiet.

It was around 7:45 that I started to notice a little pain in my shoulder/upper back. No big deal. I've dealt with back pain many times. Pop 4 Ibuprofen and move on. And this is what I did. 8:15am - ok, this is a little more than just a little back ache. It was getting incredibly worse. Maybe it was the outfit I chose. Now, some may find this a strange concept, but a) strapless bras are evil contraptions, and b) my back goes all weird if I wear a racer-back tank for too long. So, I quickly change into a normal boring tshirt and the underclothing required. This should fix it. 8:20, I start working again. By 9:00, I'm popping a couple more ibuprofen. That helped a little - dulled it at least. By 11:30, when I head off for lunch, I'm nearly in tears. This story continues in this way for several more hours. I managed to make it thru the day by overdosing on pain meds and by the use of a heating pad.

Now don't get me wrong. I could have easily just gone home and called it quits for the day. The thought occurred to me several times. But the truth is, the pain would have still been there - and quite possibly worse as there would have been nothing to keep my mind off the agony. Although, had I quit working, I could have started drinking my homemade wine a little earlier. I am hoping this homemade wine proves to be a remedy. I know whiskey works - but, alas, I don't have a bottle of that. So, I'm breaking open my barely-ready homemade wine.

And by the way - I must admit - this wine is GREAT! I'm drinking my grape one right now, but the fruit punch wine is equally good. I think I'm going to make one more - this one calls for just water, sugar, and yeast - essentially tasteless. BUT, it's supposed to be good for mixing with koolaids or other beverages. And, it should be clear, so I can carry it around in a water bottle and no one will know..

But anyway, time for a few more ibus and another glass of wine. WHY does this always happen on a weekend? Blah.

Pointless Post

There truly is no purpose to this post other than to write. Pointless posts, writings, journal entries, notes - they can help rid the soul of excess weight. Or, they can just keep a person from dying of utter boredom. Is it possible to die of boredom? I wonder if there are any cases where such a thing actually happened. Although, I suppose it can be argued that boredom was an instigator in some deaths - a person who goes out bungee jumping, plummeting to this death, may have decided to take on this risky form of entertainment to alleviate a bit of boredom.

But, I am jumping off topic. Not that I really have a topic. It's too early in the morning to have a topic. Mornings - hateful little things, they are. I must admit, however, we've been getting along much better in recent years than we once used to. Of course, I once used to work until 3am, which made 8am not much of a nice person. Then, there were the times where I just didn't feel like waking up and dragging my sorry ass into work. But the past two years - unless I'm not feeling well - I haven't had this issue. I like going to work. And I've found I enjoy going in half-hour early. How odd is that? Well, odd for me anyway. Work isn't supposed to be enjoyable.

But again, I seem to be hopping all over the place. My fingers, I believe, have had too much coffee this morning. Granted, I've only had three cups, but I've only been awake for 45 minutes. But, of this three cups, my fingers probably only received approximately an eighth of a teaspoon - if even that much. Probably would be more like a drop. Is that enough for fingers to get all jittery and babbly?

Babbly - I like that non-word. It's one of my most used non-words, although I don't believe I use non-words all that often. But, I truly believe everyone should have their own special non-word, and should use it often, and see if it catches on. Who knows - your non-word may be the next word to make it into the dictionary. Yes, yes. Our dictionary is full of words which used to be simple non-words, made up by people - most likely by accident - that just seemed to catch on. Adorkable is one of my favorites that I don't think has made it into a dictionary yet - but is just a really adorkable word. But my word? Mine is babbly. Well, one of mine is babbly. I have a few others, too, but cannot think of them off the top of my head.

Which brings me to my next topic...

Wine. I want to learn to make wine. Has anyone ever had dandelion wine? That could be good to make, if it tastes any good, as there is always an overabundance of dandelions around here. And, it's a good song. Seems to me I've read a book called Dandelion Wine once too. Maybe. Or perhaps I'm just losing my mind. Maybe making dandelion wine was part of the book. Hm, now I am curious. I hate when I can't fully recall something... just bits and pieces of it. So now I will try to push aside the frustration of not recalling the origins of this story topic, and shall instead go research how to make dandelion wine. If anyone has actually made it before and has a good recipe, let me know.

I am not in need of saving

Something is bothering me.... which, actually, really isn't unusual. It seems something is always bothering me in one regard or another. But tonight...

Why is it that when you express your religious views, the bible-thumpers of the world feel the need to give you a lesson in Christianity? They always seem to find it necessary to treat you like a simpleton, uneducated in the words of the bible and the church, and obviously an unbeliever.

I believe in God. I simply do not put much stock in the church, or in the Bible even as it is missing too many books to be considered a true and accurate account.

This does not mean I need a lesson in Christ. I do not need Bible versus spouted at me. I have had more years of education in the church and Christianity then most of these people probably have had. Just because I am willing to question these teachings does not make me evil or uneducated. It actually makes me much more intelligent than those who blindly follow anything and everything they are taught.

So where does my hatred for the church come from? Well first, it is not a hatred. However, it is my experience with churches that they have twisted thinking (twisted from my thinking anyway). With the church:

• We must pay an offering each week... and should we not because we can't afford it, we are looked down on. We are judged by our fellow church members.
• We must focus on things which do not concern the church as a whole (and yes, I realize this one will probably stir up anger amongst the bible-thumping variety). These focal points include abortion, gay marriage, and other such concerns. If we do not believe the way the church believes, or refuse to openly pass judgment on people whom have had an abortion or are gay, we are then judged accordingly by our fellow church members. 
• We must blindly recite bible verses and creeds and prayers. We must blindly accept the Bible as accurate and complete, and accept God in the same fashion as is described in the Bible, and accept the church and religion as a whole in the same way. Should we not, we are judged. Should we dare question any of these items, we are judged. 

In addition to these points which have continued to be a fact in my life with the church, I have also had poor experiences when it came to turning to the church for help. For example, as an abused child, I turned to my pastor for guidance (actually, turned to two pastors). I was quoted the 4th commandment. Sorry, not helpful. And as a result of this inaction, I have two dead brothers. So yes, there is some bitterness I suppose.

As for the Bible - there are approximately 500 books and other writings that never made it into the Bible. The Roman Catholic Church is who determined which books should be in the Bible (and we all know how pure that group is), and they left out anything which went against their plans for religion. The 6th and 7th Books of Moses? Refused because they are in the realm of magic and the occult. The Book of Adam and Eve? Who knows why that wasn't allowed - it gives a good tale of life after they were expelled from the garden. The Gospel of Judas? Well, this one was only just found again a few years ago, but tells an interesting story of how Judas didn't betray Jesus - he was Jesus' best friend and was asked by Jesus to betray him so that he could die for us. The Infancy Gospel of Thomas describes Jesus' life as a boy, including stories of him killing a child, making villagers blind, and other such acts. Or what of the other dozen or better gospels which were withheld from the Bible? How can anyone say the Bible is the true and accurate account of God and Jesus when so much has been withheld from it - withheld by a corrupt, self-interested party?

But anyway, I shall get off my soapbox for now. All I request is that you please don't treat me like someone in need of saving. God and I have a very good relationship... or, at least, one which I will continue to work on... and your help is not required. 

Writing Prompts?

I've decided I really need to get back into writing. Unfortunately, now that I have the time, coming up with the topics isn't always that easy. I do have a few "writing prompts" websites saved - and yeah, they're ok - but it really isn't what I want. I mean... "write about something blue" may be interesting to some people, but it just doesn't strike me as an interesting write or read.

So, I've come up with my own plan.

Each day, I will go to one of my friend's Facebook wall, and will take one of the statuses of the day or week, and will base my blog post solely on that status. This should be fun, yes? The status used may be a picture or song which has been posted, or perhaps a comment under a particular status. And I may not fully give the details or exact quote of the status or picture or video. I will simply write about it.

Yes, I do believe this could be strangely interesting.

Perhaps I shall start a book - the insanity of Facebook. Or the insanity caused by Facebook. Or... oh who cares. There really is no point to this whatsoever other than to give me something to write (and yes, I do realize I have several unfinished novels I could be working on instead).

Should anyone have any writing prompt ideas, please feel free to share them with me!

The Race Card

There was a time when I wholeheartedly joined a large group of people claiming to be sick of different groups/cultures "pulling the race card." It seemed to be the case all the time. Jimmy was killed because he was black. Jimmy was arrested because he was Hispanic. Etc., etc., etc.. But now? I'm sick of the people saying "the only reason he was arrested is because the blacks are pulling the race card"... blah blah blah.

I don't care who is white, black, yellow, or purple with pink polka dots. Stop the race shit. Stop saying things happened because of race. Stop saying things happened because people think it happened because of race. It's all discrimination. I don't care how you spin it... if you're playing either side, you are prejudice against people whom are different than you. Don't say "the only reason people think he was innocent is because he was black" then try to sell the story that you're not prejudice. It's bullshit.